he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
