my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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