Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
