So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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