Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
