I think I won the penis lottery.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
