i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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