I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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