His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
