that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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