Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
