Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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