have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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