ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
