I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've blown a few things in my day
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
