Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize