I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
