I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
