I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's paint friendship bongs
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
