That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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