why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
