I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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