69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
