god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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