he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize