My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
