I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
