I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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