I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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