I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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