you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
