Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
