sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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