too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
