the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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