I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
