Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
