she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
