i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize