someone get that fucking seahorse.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
