You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
