Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
