You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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