READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
