Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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