im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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