The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
