so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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