i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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