too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
