just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
