Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
