I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
