I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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