If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
