Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
