In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
