I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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