You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
