Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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