bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
