You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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