in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
