I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
