his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
