gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
