Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
