It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
