Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
