girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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