I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
