this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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